Why Is Forgiveness So Hard?

For some reason we think it is easier for God to forgive than it is for us. God can forgive so easily because after all God is God and we are not. We don't forgive because we don't think we have the power to forgive, after all we're not God. To watch your son dragged through a kangaroo court, beaten, whipped, and finally nailed to a cross, wasn't easy for anyone let alone a Father known as Abba to Jesus. After all of this, for God to grant forgiveness when requested by Jesus, is mind blowing. I know too many earthly fathers who would override their son's request and take out all the perpetrators. However, since no fire from heaven reigned down upon them, you have to assume that God did forgive and the executioner's Ax was stayed mid swing.

But what about Jesus? Was it really easier for him to forgive those who had nailed him to the cross, than it is for either you or me to forgive something not quite as brutal as the cross. Yet Jesus did forgive them and they didn't even ask for it.

Part of the reason I think forgiveness is so hard is that we are mistaken about what it means to forgive. We need to know what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not pretending that the painful event didn't happened. When Jesus forgave those who had crucified them from the cross, it doesn't mean that Jesus was pretending that he wasn't on the cross. He is fully aware of the nails and the crown of thorns, with the warm drops of blood tracking down his face. Pretending would take one ounce of pain away. Part of the point of forgiveness is that we commit to working to behave towards this person as if it hadn't happened. It is a conscious choice we make not to let their actions against us control our response to them or towards anyone else.

Forgiveness presupposes that what happened to us- happened- to us. It was evil and cannot be set aside as if it didn't matter. It did matter. It did hurt. But in choosing to forgive we are choosing to act as if it did not happen as we consciously try to rebuild a severed relationship.In forgiving, we are always full aware of what we are trying to forgive, and yet living in relationship with them as if it didn't take place, not only for our good but also for theirs.

To Forgive or not to Forgive?

Which is harder to forgive ourselves or to forgive others?

When questioned about how many times we are to forgive someone, seven times? Jesus answered not seven times but seventy times seven. In other words there are not limits to the amount of forgiveness we are to offer. Which is all well and good unless you're the one being asked to forgive, then rubber really hits the road. What's that saying about getting burned... So Jesus challenges us to forgive all things all the time... no limitations on what or who receives our forgiveness. Since Jesus pulled it off at the cross we have at least one example, and don't give me the of course he could do it because he is Jesus stuff. If the writer to Hebrews talks about Jesus being tempted in every just as we are yet was without sin, Heb.4:15 Jesus' saying no to temptation was not due to his divine nature, but within his human ability. His forgiveness is powered by his humanity and not his divinity.

Jesus expects us to follow his example when it comes to forgiveness.

We are to forgive others and forgive ourselves... which means that we are also to forgive ourselves seventy times seven times.If there are no limits regarding the number of times we are to forgive others, then there are no limits as to the number of times we are to give ourselves. However, if we were to forgive others the way we forgive ourselves, there is a strong possibility that others may never be forgiven.

We just seem to be able to forgive others more readily than we forgive ourselves. Some how it seems easier to let the other guy off the hook while keeping ourselves firmly impaled. I am not quite sure why. Lack of self forgiveness clearly leads to self loathing, and self incrimination, not mention sabotaging our self worth. Why someone likes to point at a personal failure, whether it is faith related or moral, and beat themselves up with it repeatedly makes no sense. Yet from the people I talk to, lack of self forgiveness is the norm not the exception. From their perspective it is easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves.

Could it be that we hang on to these past failures as a fall back position in case things take a turn for the worse. We become our own scapegoat, and who wouldn't expect otherwise... It validates the worst we think of ourselves, and cancels out whatever goodness might have crept in.

Perhaps the inability to forgive ourselves is one more outworking of the story in Genesis when we chose to know for ourselves what is right and what is wrong, of who to forgive and who not to forgive- including ourselves.

Lest we be without hope- Jesus has an app for this too.