Why Is Forgiveness So Hard?

For some reason we think it is easier for God to forgive than it is for us. God can forgive so easily because after all God is God and we are not. We don't forgive because we don't think we have the power to forgive, after all we're not God. To watch your son dragged through a kangaroo court, beaten, whipped, and finally nailed to a cross, wasn't easy for anyone let alone a Father known as Abba to Jesus. After all of this, for God to grant forgiveness when requested by Jesus, is mind blowing. I know too many earthly fathers who would override their son's request and take out all the perpetrators. However, since no fire from heaven reigned down upon them, you have to assume that God did forgive and the executioner's Ax was stayed mid swing.

But what about Jesus? Was it really easier for him to forgive those who had nailed him to the cross, than it is for either you or me to forgive something not quite as brutal as the cross. Yet Jesus did forgive them and they didn't even ask for it.

Part of the reason I think forgiveness is so hard is that we are mistaken about what it means to forgive. We need to know what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not pretending that the painful event didn't happened. When Jesus forgave those who had crucified them from the cross, it doesn't mean that Jesus was pretending that he wasn't on the cross. He is fully aware of the nails and the crown of thorns, with the warm drops of blood tracking down his face. Pretending would take one ounce of pain away. Part of the point of forgiveness is that we commit to working to behave towards this person as if it hadn't happened. It is a conscious choice we make not to let their actions against us control our response to them or towards anyone else.

Forgiveness presupposes that what happened to us- happened- to us. It was evil and cannot be set aside as if it didn't matter. It did matter. It did hurt. But in choosing to forgive we are choosing to act as if it did not happen as we consciously try to rebuild a severed relationship.In forgiving, we are always full aware of what we are trying to forgive, and yet living in relationship with them as if it didn't take place, not only for our good but also for theirs.